A huge part of what I do as a coach for women in midlife is help them find clarity around the best decisions they can make for themselves now, and in the future.
I don’t just mean the big decisions at a crossroads - What do I need at this age, at this stage of my life? What’s next? Who am I and how do I learn to thrive after years of being on survival mode?
I also mean the small but so significant ones. Ones that may feel minor at the time, but end up having such a huge impact on your life (and the lives of those around you) that you’ll look back and break out in a sweat what your life would have been if you had’t done that.
I’m in Italy at the moment with my brother and my 86 year old dad. (There’s one decision: to make time every year to go away for a few days with them).
My dad was a 60+ a day smoker when I was growing up. One day, in his early 40’s he announced the was stopping. That decision changed the course of his, and his children’s lives. A year later he ran his first marathon. We grew up seeing active parents and have brought that into our own adult lives. Today my 86 year old dad hiked a challenging cliff walk in Cinque Terre with us that would never have happened if he hadn’t made that decision. Well, he wouldn’t have been here with us for starters.
This morning I got up and did some yoga sun salutations (to the rising Mediterranean sun) on my balcony.. my breath connecting to my body in a way that I only learned just before I turned 50. Now it is a decision. Every. Fucking. Day. And it has been life changing.
Therapy. There’s a decision. Changed my life and that of my kids. You don’t walk away from a damaging marriage without baggage you don’t want to carry. It cost money. It was hard. But it has changed my and my kid’s life because I’m a better person for it, and therefore a better (not perfect by any stretch!) parent.
Going back to college. Aged 47. Oh yeah baby. I remember the day I signed up. I had to put the first term’s fees on my visa card as I didn’t have the money but I’d been on such an adventure of psychology discovery, I just had to keep going, and buy the next ticket on that journey. Changed my life, my career, and the lives of the women I coach.
Finding the time for me amid the mayhem (the time is always there, you may just have to prioritise you over someone else and that feels reeeaallly uncomfortable but uncomfortable doesn’t mean wrong, it means you might be shifting a social narrative that your only value is to be all things to all people before you can be something and someone to yourself.
My clients: decision to walk more. To reflect more. To get help. To prioritise their health. To say no. To say yes. To say ‘me!’. Something as simple as a sea swim. Joining a fitness group. Asking for advice. Realising limitations. Realising potential. Understanding that courage is not not being scared, but being afraid and stepping out of your comfort zone anyway. That. That has changed my life.
There are so, so many more. Every day choices that affect so much of your today, tomorrow and future. I made a decision on this holiday to get up first thing and go for a swim to delve into me as much as the water. Take some time to think about what decisions you, and your future self need you to make.
If you need some help with that, then some coaching with me might just give you the clarity you need.